My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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