Dude my mom stole all your condoms
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
