dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
