So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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