The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize