If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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