I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
