im holly from the hills drunk
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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