You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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