Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
