I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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