i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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