I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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