i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
