Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm at about main and main street
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
