i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
