3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we made out on top of his cat.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize