i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
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It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
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I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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