Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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