Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
