Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she peed on how many people?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
