So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
