yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
