I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
