A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
