this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
