Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
