There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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