You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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