how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
