yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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