I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
