I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
