I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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