i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
This gyro tastes like lonliness
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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