I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
