there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
