my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
