if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
