the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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