I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
