This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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