is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
