I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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