I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
