I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Your cock deserves a montage
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
