But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
