you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
