he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize