So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
