I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
