Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
