she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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