dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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