Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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