Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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