God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
