Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I looked at my own cervix.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
