I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
