I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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