I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Quick, to the slutcave!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
