Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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