Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
