I am spending my child support on dildos
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
