Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
