am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
