Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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