then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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