If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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