This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
