He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
