I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
