I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
