There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
